Gambit's Catastrophe
by firewolfsg
Summary: Gambit's been through a lot with the X-Men, but nothing that's happened has quite prepared him, or the X-Men, for this turn of affairs ;) Now with the first few chapters of "Redux."
1. The Beginning

A very old X-Men fic, written ~ July 1997. Something I wrote as a first attempt at writing for humor. Hope that there'll be some folks at fanfiction.net who will like it. 

Cheers, **[Jacque Koh][1]**

PS. Continuity? Somewhere after Onslaught, and before Zero Tolerance.   


* * *

  
**DISCLAIMER:** Gambit and the X-Men belong to Marvel Comics. All these characters are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction, so please don't sue me.   


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#  Gambit's Cat-astrophe

****

Part 1 of 3 

Morning. He's suppose to be up for the danger room session, but Gambit just yawns as he stretches in bed and snuggles deeper into the bed covers. He never liked mornings, it was no secret that this X-Man preferred to hibernate until noon. 

He was going to especially hate *this* particular morning. 

"Eew, what cha ya think ya doin' ya mangy critter?!" 

Gambit went from a half doze to full wakefulness, when he felt a hand grip him about the back of his neck and hoist him off the bed. 

"How did ya get in the house? An' how dare ya sleep in *his* bed?!" 

Wha?> 

Before he knew it, Remy found himself carried out of the men's wing of the mansion and heading towards the front door. 

"Out! Rotten - Mangy - " Rogue sounded as if she was trying to choke back her tears as she opened the front door. 

#Rogue - chere? What did Gambit do t' you?# 

"Remy?! Remy, where - where are ya?" Rogue swung around in confusion, inevitably also swinging him around the room as she still held him by the back of his neck. 

#What do y' mean, you're - ?# 

Rogue stared at the hall mirror, and at the reflection of the black cat with red on black eyes which she was holding in her right hand. 

On that bright sunny morning, twin shrieks resounded in the mansion, one vocal, one telepathic. The cacophony was enough to bring all the X-Men racing to the foyer. 

"Rogue! Child, are you all right? What is it? Who was that - that other voice?" 

Rogue couldn't answer as she sat on the floor staring at the hall mirror, in front of which stood an adolescent, black cat. A cat whose paws rested on the mirror's surface as it stared into it's own red on black eyes. 

"Re - Remy?" she pointed her hand shakily at the cat. 

Storm stared from the southern belle to the cat, "Y - you must be mistaken, child. This - this - Remy?" 

Before more could be said, Scott appeared at the door closely followed by Jean. 

"What's the situation? Rogue, what happe-" 

In a lightning move, the black cat turned away from the mirror to launched itself into the air and land on the blue team leader's chest. 

#SCOTT! What de hell happened on dat last mission?!!# 

"G-g-ga-Gambit?" Scott reeled back against the door frame, as the X-Men's jaws collectively dropped at the revelation. 

#Oui! Cest moi. I become a telepathic cat; a C - A - T, Cat! What de hell happened t' me?!# 

Scott hissed, as four sets of claws dug through his shirt to stop the cat from slipping off his chest. 

"G - Gambit, Rem - Remy, ca - calm down. You're understandably distraught-" 

#Distraught?# 

Scott winced under him. 

#Oui, how you guess? Is my tail wagging?# 

"Remy, er ... please ... let's move this to the kitchen, sit down-" 

"Have a bowl of milk." 

#Arrraaaghh!# 

"Ow, ow, OW! Gambit! Your claws, your claws! OOOOOW!" 

Jean shot an angry look at Bobby who raised his hands with a helpless shrug, his face was red as he tried hard not to laugh. 

"Hey, a cup of coffee didn't seem too appropriate." 

Even Storm was looking strained, while Bishop stared at the spectacle with an expression of disbelief. 

"Remy, please calm down. We are not going to accomplish anything, standing here watching you scratch Scott to bits." 

"Remy, sugah? It'll be okay, we'll figure out something." Rogue reached up to grip him under his arms, and eased him off Scott's chest, "Let go of Scottie?" 

#I'm a - telepathic - black - cat? How did dis happen?# 

With that last thought, most of the X-Men disappeared into the kitchen with Gambit, while the Beast guided Scott towards the infirmary. 

"What an astonishing development. This really is a fascinating turn of events." 

"Oooow." 

"I'm sure Remy will buy you a new shirt once he calms down." Jean offered as she took her husband's other arm. 

"This can't be happening? It's - it's just - this is too *weird* even for the X-Men." 

"On the contrary, O' fearless leader. Weirdness is a vital component in the life of an X-Men. But I digress. To the infirmary first Scott, I had better give you a tetanus shot. We don't know what Remy's claws were last in." 

"OoW, those things *hurt*." 

"Don't be a baby, dear. It's for your own good." 

* * *

The X-Men couldn't help but stare at the black cat as it lapped at the bowl of milk on the kitchen table. For what it was worth, Gambit was a rather handsome, sleek black cat, with red highlights to his short coat, and red tipped ears. 

It had obviously taken a lot of effort, but he was no longer hysterical over his recent transformation. Though, it did appeared as if he had descended into shock as he numbly lapped at the milk. 

Storm nodded towards Scott, Jean and Hank, as they returned from the infirmary. 

"Now then, let us recap what transpired on the previous mission." Storm turned to glare briefly at certain members of the assemblage who appeared to be fighting down laughter. 

Scott gingerly took a seat. 

"Tetanus shot in the butt? Those things *hurt*." Bobby nodded to him sympathetically. 

Scott rolled his eyes before he began his recital of the mission log ... 

"... We were ambushed by Sinister when we were investigating a rumored base." 

#Oui, Gambit remembered dat.# 

"You were in front of me then-" 

"Speed it up Slim. We 'member all of that. Up until Sinister brought the roof down on us." 

"We couldn't find ya when we dug ourselves out, Remy." 

"It was our thought, that Sinister had used the base as a lure to capture one of us." 

Jean reached out to give Scott's hand a reassuring squeeze. 

#Only, Scottie's still here.# 

"But how did *you* get back here, Remy? What happened to you?" 

#It's - it's - fuzzy. Gambit remember waking up in de hanger - # 

"See, I told ya I smelled a cat." Logan sounded rather smug, "Gumbo must have been sleeping in one of those crates we brought back from Sinister's lab." 

#But when did I become a cat? *How* did I become a cat?# 

All eyes turned towards Hank who was looking rather bewildered. 

"How should I know? Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a psychic!" 

The X-men collectively groaned. 

"Seriously, though Remy, I haven't seen anything in your mutant physiology which remotely indicates an ability to morph into an animal. Not that that's impossible, perhaps a visit to my lab-" 

#What y' starin' at, Joseph?# Gambit cut the beast off abruptly, to glare at the white-haired X-Man, who had been staring intently at him through the whole conversation. 

"Nothing - literally. Remy? Did you notice, that you've been neutered?" 

The black cat visibly stiffened. 

"Does that say anything about your human body?" Bobby squeaked, as he started to lose it. 

Bobby just didn't have the strength to hold it back any longer. A snort slipped out, and before he could control it he was laughing. This was understandably infectious and within minutes the rest of the X-Men joined in, unable to stop themselves. 

A low hum started unheard amidst all the laughter. 

#Dis is NOT funny!# 

A series of kinetic explosions threw Bobby away from the table. The laughter died immediately as everyone leaped to their feet. 

Bobby picked himself off the floor shakily, his hands reached for the missing buttons of his jacket. 

"How - ? You weren't touching-" 

But Gambit was no longer on the table. 

* * *

"Cajun, come down. Cyke has the whole team looking fer yer." Wolverine climbed up the tree, "We're all worried about yer." 

#Go away.# 

"Gumbo, we know yer upset -" 

#Upset? Upset?! Of course I'm upset! Gambit is a CAT! What is dere not t' be upset about? I'm a telepathic, mutant, black, cat, a 'T - M - B - C!' I could probably have my own cartoon.# Remy was trying hard not to cry, but he wasn't succeeding. 

Wolverine continued climbing towards the pair of red on black eyes, which gleamed at him from the higher branches. 

"Cajun, I'm not going away, I know I'm not 'zactly yer first choice of people to talk ta, but talk ta me. Yer not upset cause yer a cat. Got somethin' else yer ain't told us." 

Silence. 

"Well if it'll make yer feel better, we talked about it and figured out that that's probably not yer real body." 

Logan waited, and his patience was finally rewarded. 

#Gambit guessed as much, but it also mean Sinister got his real body. What if - what if Gambit, can' get his body back?# 

"Then we'll make Sinister clone yer a new one." 

#Maybe he not able t'?# 

"What cha sayin' Gumbo?" 

Silence enveloped them again. 

"Gumbo?" 

#Gambit ... was one of Sinister's experiments once.# 

"What?! What did the bastard do ta yer? Why didn't yer tell us?" 

Logan waited, but the black cat had its eyes closed. 

"Kid, we don't know what yer did in yer past, maybe Sinister was part of that past for a spell, but that's yer own business. We know yer for what yer are now, Gumbo, and yer're family. Yer don't have ta hide from us." 

"Look, I won't tell the others. And I'll even sneak yer back ta look in on the fun, kid. They're all crawling on hands and knees around the house looking fer yer. Let us help yer deal with this, okay?" 

#Okay ... Er - Logan?# 

"Yeah?" 

#Can y' come up an' get me? Gambit climbed too high, and he not sure if he know how t' get down.# 

Wolverine sighed as he gingerly made his way up the higher branches, "I'm coming Cajun. Hang in there." 

#Ha - Ha. Dat is t' laugh.# 

"Yer *had* to climb this high didn't yer?" Wolverine gently reached up towards the nervous cat, "If I fall Gumbo, I'm leavin' yer up here fer Jeannie." 

But that indignity was avoided, as Wolverine managed to get his hand around the lithe black cat. Wolverine cradled him in the crook of one hand, as he climbed back down. 

"Well, we can say one thing, Gumbo. At least we don't got ta worry about yer if a randy female comes by - Ow! Watch the claws! I ain't down yet!" 

#Merde, dat would be embarrassing.# 

"Having a litter of kittens, Gumbo?" Wolverine guffawed as he landed on solid ground, "I'm sure Rogue would understan- Ooow! Okay, okay! I'll stop teasing yer." 

#Y' know Logan, I think I understand how much fun having claws is now.# 

- Shnik - 

"Eat yer heart out, Gumbo. Mine are longer." Wolverine admired his foot long claws. 

#Ahh, but Gambit has *four* sets o' claws.# 

**To be Continued ...**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

[Jacque Koh][1]

   [1]: mailto:firewolf@pacific.net.sg?Subject=Gambit's Cat-astrophe



	2. Now what?

**DISCLAIMER:** Gambit and the X-Men belong to Marvel Comics. All these characters are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction, so please don't sue me.   


* * *

When we last left the X-Men:

Remy was revealed to have had his mind imprisoned in a cat. Is the Cajun ready to be left at the tender mercies of those he would call friends?

#  Gambit's Cat-astrophe

**Part 2 of 3**

In the kitchen of the X-mansion ... 

"Here ya go, Sugah." Rogue place a bowl in front of him. 

#What's dat?# 

"It's - well, it's cat food." 

The black cat just stared at her. 

"Aw, come on Remy, ya got ta eat something. Bobby and Joseph went out to specially buy this for ya. They're sorry for laughing at ya." 

#Yeah right.# he sniffed at the bowl suspiciously, #The can probably reads like a riot.# 

"It's not ya real body, Remy. But ya still got ta feed it the proper - er - cat nutrition." 

#But dat's not all dis is. What else y' put in dis, chere?# 

"Ya promise ta eat it?" 

#Dat depends, chere.# The cat sat down again and stared up at her. 

"Well, Hank suggested it. We got ya some - er worm tablets - Ya won't taste them, I mixed it up real good." 

Gambit sighed as he took a tentative bite, and proceeded to lick the bowl clean. 

As the black cat settled down to clean itself, Rogue prepared a litter box and placed it near the back door. 

#Don't tell me-# 

"Er - well -" 

#I hate dis.# 

"Do ya need to ... " 

#What? Y' want t' watch?# 

"No! 'course not." She blushed furiously, "It's just that - ah - er need ta -" 

Gambit saw the truth in her mind before she could shield that thought. He bolted, but Rogue was much faster than any cat alive. 

#Y' can' be serious?! Chere!?# 

"Ah'm sorry, Remy. But ... well ... er ... " Rogue carried him out of the house apologetically. 

Bishop was waiting for them beside an ominous tub, into which he had briefly dipped his hand. 

#Chere?! Pup?! _Y' can' do dis t' Gambit!?_# 

The big man rubbed his neck awkwardly with his dry hand as they approached, the expression on his face was also deeply apologetic. 

* * *

"So how is Gambit, er - adjusting to his - situation?" Scott asked Ororo as she stalked into the absent Xavier's office. 

"As well as he can, I suppose." She told him coldly as her eyes stared daggers across the desk. 

"What is it, Ororo?" 

"A _collar_?" 

"I had Hank make the communicator collar for him. Gambit can't carry our usual communicator - " 

"Yes, but a _collar_?!" Storm hissed from between clenched teeth, "Remy, is _not _a pet. In any case, he is a telepath, why does he need a communicator?" 

Scott scratched his head uncomfortably, "It's safer for him. At least strangers won't take him for a stray, if he happens to wander off the grounds. Gambit would hardly want to speak to them telepathically." 

"Scott, I would believe that Remy's already feeling bad enou-" 

_"REMY! PUT THAT DOWN! GAMBIT!"_

The two X-Men rushed to the window to see what Bishop was screaming about. 

_"REMY! JEAN! JEAN! HE'S GOING TO EAT THAT BIRD! JEAN!"_

Scott and Ororo exchanged looks, as Phoenix swooped passed the window to catch the black cat in her telekinetic bubble. 

* * *

Bored ... bored ... bored ... bored ...> 

Remy sighed as he looked through the glass of the window, Okay, so Gambit was stalking birds, and he caught one. Not like I _was _going t' eat it. Bish didn't have t' call Jeannie down on me like dat.> 

The cat wondered past the front door and looked wistfully at the sealed cat door, Dey didn't have t' confine me t' de house.> 

The cat moved on and stopped at the stairs to scratch itself, Stupid collar. Yeah right, it's pretty t' see a red collar on a black cat. Whoopee. Wish it didn't itch so much.> 

He shook his head and looked up the stairs for a moment, Non, Stormy be mad if Remy go up an' eat one o' her ferns again.> 

Now _dat _I couldn't help. Wasn't like I really meant t' eat her fern. It ... jus happened.> Remy entered the rec room and leaped on to the sofa, I hate dis.> 

Bored ... bored ... bored ... bored ...> He found a loose thread on the sofa. 

Merde, what do cats do f' entertainment? Not like I c'n watch TV, or work out in de Danger Room. Bored ... bored ... bored ... bored ...> 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

Don't see why it's so difficult f' Jeannie t' use Cerebro t' find Gambit's body.> 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

What is Sinister doing t' y' body now, Remy?> 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

Y' t'ink y' body's still alive?> 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

Well de homme did say once, Gambit more valuable t' him alive dan dead.> 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

Never really gave it dat much thought. Gambit, jus' wanted t' stay out o' his lab.> 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

Remy didn't look up when Rogue entered the room. He sensed her, as she pause at the door for a moment before coming to kneel on the floor beside him. 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

"Er ... Remy?" 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

#Yeah, chere?# 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

"Are ya all right, Remy?" 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

#Oui. 'm just peachy.# 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

"Remy ... Sugah, ah think ya should stop." 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

#Huh? Stop what?# 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... Scratch ... 

"Er ... the sofa, Remy?" 

Scratch ... Scratch ... Scra- 

_#MERDE!#_

Remy leaped to his feet as he stared at the gaping hole in front of him. #I ... I ... Merde! What? I wasn't - I didn't - I - did?# 

They heard the footsteps of someone approaching the rec room. Rogue snatched him up in her arms and ran for it. 

"We'd better scat, Sugah. It'll fit our luck that that will be Scottie." 

True enough, Scott's bellow reverberated in the mansion as Rogue exited the back door and took to the air. 

_"GAMBIT!!!"_

* * *

"Scott, you are NOT going to de-claw Gambit." Storm announced firmly before she took her seat in the briefing room. 

"Did you see what-" 

"Remy's been under a lot of strain, if _you _haven't noticed. He's stuck in the body of a neutered cat. You've fed him _worm _tablets. You had him bathed and _flea dipped_. You've made him wear that _collar _... barred him from the roof ... locked him in the house ... I will _not _let you touch him." 

"Storm, it won't hurt him. He's just borrowing the body." 

"No." 

"It'll save the furniture- " 

"No!" 

"He won't feel a thing." 

_"NO!"_

"Scott, Remy's always used the scratching post I bought for him. It isn't as if you caught him sharpening his claws on the sofa." 

"I don't think Remy realized what he was doing, until it was brought to his attention." Jean tried to ease the tension between her husband and her friend, "Remy must have been bored out of his skull. He wouldn't intentionally tear up the sofa." 

Storm threw a grateful look at Joseph and Jean, before she turned back to Scott. 

"Scott, we have to get Remy's body back. That is the only acceptable solution to Remy's condition. He, is not responsible for his current state of mind." 

Scott took a deep breath, "_If _we can find Sinister. Even then, how are we sure we can get Gambit's body back?" 

"Sinister's gonna clone a body for Gumbo, if we can't get the original back." 

"Where are Rogue and Gambit anyway." 

"They're probably hiding until your temper's back under control. I know some places Rogue might go. If you want, I could go look for them." 

"Maybe later, Joseph." 

"All right, Bobby and I need to go shopping again anyway." 

"For what?" 

"Cat toys. We don't know how permanent this will be, and Remy's going to need them if we want our furniture to stay intact." 

"I think you mean, 'to keep Scott from strangling him first.'" 

* * *

"Feeling better, Sugah?" Rogue looked down at the cat which was curled on her lap. 

#I can't go on like dis, chere. Am I a cat? Or am I a man? No ... don't answer dat.# 

"We'll find ya body, Remy." Rogue stroked him, "It'll be all right." 

After a moment, Gambit leaped off Rogue's lap and started to wander away from her. 

"Remy?" 

#I jus' need t' stretch my legs a moment, chere.# 

"Don't wander off too far, sugah. We should be getting back soon." 

#Okay, chere.# 

Remy walked out of sight for a moment to be alone with his thoughts. It was becoming more and more difficult for him to remember his identity. And it was starting to show, first with the fern, then lately when he had taken to leaping on the laps of the X-Women to be scratched and cuddled, ... and the sofa. 

I gotta find my body, somehow.> 

His mind was too preoccupied to register his kinetic senses screaming at him, until it was too late. A black cloth fell over him. 

"Got you." The voice was unmistakable. 

_#ROGUE!#_

* * *

Bobby and Joseph were laying out various cat toys while Bishop watched in mild interest. 

"Are you sure Gambit will be appreciative of this?" Bishop picked up an obviously fake mouse by the tail. 

"He'll love it. It's full of catnip." 

"That's not what I meant. I'm sure this will all be fine for a real cat, but Remy?" 

"We have to keep Remy alive first, Bishop. A feat, I'm sure will be a challenge, if he continues to infuriate Scott. This will at least occupy him in less dangerous activity." 

"It's perfectly all right for a cat to be sleeping on Jean's lap." 

"Bobby, we are talking about Remy. Scott wasn't amused. And Jean _was _feeling guilty for enticing him over with a scratch." 

"Scott's a dog person, that's all there is to it. Can you believe that he's actually jealous of a cat?" 

"It doesn't make it any easier on Scott's nerves, that all the ladies have taken to mothering that cat." 

"But Remy, _isn't_ appreciative of that kind of attention." Bishop protested, "He _doesn't_ like being treated like a cat." 

"Until we recover his body, he's going to have to cope." 

A general alarm sounded from their communicators. 

"All X-Men meet in the briefing room in five minutes." Scott's voice piped from the compact instrument, "Someone's kidnapped our cat." 

**To be Concluded ...**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

[Jacque Koh][1]

   [1]: mailto:firewolf@pacific.net.sg?Subject=Gambit's Cat-astrophe



	3. It's your fault!

**DISCLAIMER:** Gambit and the X-Men belong to Marvel Comics. All these characters are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction, so please don't sue me.   


* * *

When we last left the X-Men:

Remy was catnapp - er ... kidnapped! Now, what does our poor Catjun - er ... Cajun, have to endure?

#  Gambit's Cat-astrophe

**Part 3 of 3**

Sinister shook his head, as he looked through the grills of the cat carrier, at the black cat with red on black eyes. Remy hissed at him, his ears were laid back as he bared his fangs at the pallid face. 

"Stop that, LeBeau. It's unbecoming and frankly not like you at all." 

#Oh? Like it's Gambit's fault dat he acting like a cat?# 

"Well, it certainly isn't _my_ fault your mind was transferred into this feline when we last met." 

#I find dat hard t' believe.# 

"If you did not insist on ignoring the powers I've grafted on you-" 

#Gambit never asked f' any o' dat sh-# 

"Well, you've got them. Stop being childish about it, and learn how to use those powers properly." Sinister snarled back, "This current state is _your_ fault." 

#Is not!# 

"Is too." 

#Is not!# 

"Is - Remy ... we are _not_ going to start arguing like children." 

The cat spat at him. 

Sinister sucked in a deep breath and let it out again. 

"LeBeau, it's times like this, when I wonder why I _had_ to find your mutant physiology so fascinating." 

Remy looked out of the cat carrier to stare at his human body, which lay hooked up to various monitors and other medical equipment, #Y' didn't vivisect my body?# 

"Of course not. I kept your body alive. It's the only one _we_ have. Until I can learn how to clone it, that is." 

#Y' still not sure why y' can' clone Gambit's body?# 

"Or why your body is so adaptable to introduced mutations." 

The cat hissed at him, #What y' do to Gambit dis time?# 

"Care to find out?" Sinister placed the cat carrier next to his body, "LeBeau, it would be a much more beneficial relationship, if you would agree to work with me." 

#Why? So y' can experiment on Gambit anytime y' want, stead o' wasting time t' kidnap him?# 

"Remy, I did teach you how to exercise exquisite control over your kinetic charge powers." 

#Not out o' de goodness o' y' heart. Gambit not a Marauder!# 

"This is getting tiresome, Remy." Sinister opened the door to the cat carrier, "You've already wasted enough of my time, with the separation of your mind and body. It took me this long, to create a tracer to locate your mind. Now we've got to get your mind back into your body. Then we'll talk." 

Remy was crouched at the far end of the cat carrier, with a paw raised and claws armed. 

"Remy, I hate tetanus shots. They ache for days. If you scratch me, I will have you neutered." 

#Somebody else already done dat.# 

"I am not referring to the borrowed body." 

Remy retracted his claws and allowed Sinister to pulled him out. 

#Not going t' be a Marauder.# 

"Did I give you a choice? Now hold still and let me work." 

The black cat sat beside the body, and glowered at Sinister as he started to attach wires to it's head. 

"All right? This shouldn't hurt." 

#Where have I heard _dat_ before?# 

Sinister ignored him as he flipped a few switches. Nothing happened. 

"Oops." 

#'Oops?' Whadda y' mean 'Oops?'# 

Sinister stared from the cat, to Remy's body, and back. 

"It didn't work as I theorized it should." 

_#WHAT!#_

Sinister clutched at his head. 

"LeBeau, please refrain from shouting in telepathic speech. I can hear you quite well." 

#GAMBIT, GOIN' T' DO MORE DAN SHOU-# 

Sinister's hand closed over the scruff of his neck and yanked him off the table. 

"Remy, I am not going to ask twice. If you give me any more trouble I will kill you, and save myself the bother of relocating your mind back into your body. Have I made myself clear?" 

#Oui.# 

* * *

"Got him." Scott's smile was a trifle smug as the X-Men looked at a small 'X' blinking on a map of New York. 

"Yer sure that's where Gumbo is?" 

"Unless his captors removed his collar." 

Storm only gave him a flinty glare. 

* * *

The black cat walked from one end of the table to the other, beside Gambit's body. It stopped for a moment to scratch at it's collar, before standing and resuming it's trek. 

"LeBeau, will you sit down!" 

#Gambit's bored! Least when Gambit had a human body, he could be doing somethin' when y' didn't have him on de slab.# 

The cat stopped for a moment to regard the body, #Well, t' be fair, y' do have Gambit on de slab. But what's a cat t' do?!# 

"I did have a problem with vermin-" 

Gambit scowled at him. 

"I thought not." 

* * *

A few minutes later ... 

"LeBeau! I will not ask you again!" 

The black cat blew a raspberry at the pallid scientist, prompting Sinister to grab him off the table and tuck him under one arm. 

* * *

Still later ... 

Sinister looked around puzzled, in the course of the last half hour or so, he had started to hear a low rumble. He had checked and double checked his instruments, but as far as he could tell, it had not come from there. It took him a moment, to realize that the rumble was coming from around his person. 

Sinister stared down at the crook of his arm where he had last placed Gambit. True enough, Sinister had unconsciously taken to scratching the cat under it's chin, and Remy was responding to the attention by purring. Sinister started to curse. 

"LeBeau? Gambit?!" Sinister whipped him out in front of his face, and shook the cat in front of him. " Remy?!!" 

#Huh? What? What?# 

"Just checking." 

#Y' done yet?# The cat yawned in his face. 

Sinister wrinkled his nose, "Fortunately, I should no longer need to worry about cat breath." 

#Y' c'n return Gambit t' his body?" 

"For all intents and purposes, yes. Now, I know my instruments failed because of your psi-shields." 

#What dat mean?# 

"If you want to return to your body, you will have to let down your shields so that I can access your mind." 

#Non! De last time Gambit let y' in, y' near t' erased Gambit! Y' took over Gambit's mind!# 

"Unfortunately, you have little choice in this, Remy. If you want your body back, you will have to return to me." 

#Non! Gambit not a Marauder!# 

"Remy, you either let down your shields, or I will break them down. You are of greater use to me in your own body." Sinister carried the black cat towards Gambit's body. 

#Gambit don' want dis!# 

"That is not your choice, LeBeau." 

"An' it ain't yer business ta decide for Gumbo." Wolverine's growl was never more welcomed by the Cajun. 

Wolverine emerged from behind the door, closely followed by the full team of X-Men. They spread out quickly, battle ready for anything Sinister could possibly throw at them. 

"Put our cat down, Sinister." 

"Gambit belongs to me, X-Men. I suggest you leave." Sinister immediately shifted his grip to hold the struggling cat under his arm. 

"Remy belongs ta himself! And with the X-Men!" 

"Oh? Does the X-Men accept Marauders in it's ranks now?" 

"The Cajun weren't in the bunch that slaughtered the Morlocks, Sinister." Wolverine's growl put the other X-Men at ease, "I _don't_ forget a scent." 

"Release Gambit, Sinister. The X-Men are not leaving without him." 

"In his own body?" Sinister's free hand hovered over the still figure on the table, the energy crackled over his hand ominously. "Or as a cat?" 

A kinetic explosion blew two legs off the table, tipping Gambit's body on the floor away from them, and sending Sinister reeling in the other direction. Caught by surprise, Sinister's grip loosened sufficiently for the black cat to squirm free. 

Cyclops was there immediately with his optic blasts as soon as Gambit got clear. As was Rogue, who punched the stumbling mutant away from Gambit's body and the cat. Storm's follow up bolts of lightning kept Sinister off balance long enough, for Bishop and Wolverine to get into position between Sinister and his captive. 

Sinister cursed as he saw Gambit being protected by Phoenix's telekinetic shields. There was no opportunity for him to turn the situation back under his control. 

"I will yet bring you back into my fold, LeBeau." 

#Y' can't make me!# 

"That is not your choice." 

With that, Sinister disappeared in a flash of light. 

* * *

Scott and Jean knelt beside Gambit's body as they looked at the black cat. 

#How much did y' hear?# 

"Enough to know you were once one of Sinister's experiments. Why didn't you tell us?" 

#It - didn't start out dat way.# Remy's tail flickered from side to side, #Gambit ... dere was a time when Gambit was losing control o' his powers. Gambit didn't want t' hurt nobody.# 

Rogue gasped, "That theater? That was one time ... Sinister found ya then?" 

#Oui.# 

Scott looked back at Rogue for a moment, he didn't quite understand the reference, but he could guess. 

"And Sinister offered to help you bring your powers under control?" 

#Oui.# 

"Only he didn't stop there." 

#Oui.# 

"It became an endless trek of testing and experimenting." 

#Oui.# 

"Remy," Scott reached down to stroke him comfortingly, "You don't have to be ashamed. Sinister manipulated you. It wasn't your fault. I know Sinister enough to guess that he took you, when you were most vulnerable. And you accepted his help, because he looked like the only one able to give it to you." 

The cat flinched slightly, and arched it's back under his touch. 

#He made - he wanted t' make me a Marauder.# 

"But you never wanted to be one." 

#Non. Kept me in cause he couldn't clone me, an' he didn't want t' risk losing my body.# 

"But you did try to leave." 

#He - wouldn't let me.# 

"But you eventually escaped." 

#Ran 's far 's Gambit could get. Dat's when I met Stormy.# 

"All this time, you've been avoiding even Hank's labs, because of what Sinister did to you?" Jean asked as she stroked his head. 

The cat continued to stare at the floor, it's tail flickering. 

#The homme, called me his living experiment. Gambit, was never a telepath, before ... I - I don't know half o' what he did t' my body. I don't know what he did dis time.# 

"Hank can -" 

Gambit visibly cringed at this. 

"Remy, Hank isn't Sinister. He's not going to experiment on you." 

"Sorry, its jus ... it's jus dat Remy found out de Dark Beast used t' work f' Sinister. An' he was hiding among us f' a time." 

"I will be there for you, Remy." Storm offered, "Trust us, and let us help you." 

#Okay, Stormy.# 

"Don't call me that." 

"You still want to get back in your body, don't you?" 

#Course I do.# 

Jean's hand came under his chin, not to scratch it, but to lift his head so that she could look into his eyes. 

"Will you trust me then, Remy?" She asked him softly, "I can return your mind to your body; but that means you're going to have to let me past your shields so that I can pull out you of the cat and back into your body." 

#Will y' see my memori-# 

"Remy, your past is your own business. I promise you I will not betray your trust, and even if I do see some memories I will keep your confidence. I won't judge you Remy. None of us have any right, or are in any position to judge anyone else. Will you trust me?" 

Red on black eyes gazed into the green eyes of the telepath. In those eyes, Jean could read the uncertainty, pain and guilt of the man whose soul was in the cat. 

#Y' promise, chere?# 

"Of course, Remy. Will you let me help you?" 

#Oui.# 

* * *

Remy opened his eyes to find himself back in his room and looking up at the X-Men who surrounded his bed. He raised his hand to feel his face. 

"Oh t'ank god. I'm back. T'anks Jeannie." 

"Good to have you human again, Remy." Scott grinned, "Not, that it hasn't been fun-" 

"Merde. I don't ever want t' be in dat much trouble again." 

Rogue grinned as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. 

Remy looked down at the unaccustomed warmth against his chest, and saw the cat, whose body he had been in for the past week, snuggled against him. It opened it's green eyes and purred to him. 

"Hey dere, guess I gained a pet cat from dis." 

"You going to keep it?" 

"Guess I have to. See'n how close we were f' de last week." 

"Great, you owe Bobby and me sixty bucks for toys and cat supplies, Remy." 

"I what?" 

"Hey, you didn't eat cheap. We bought you quality stuff." 

"Okay, okay. I owe him dat much." Remy reached over to stroke his cat, who purred even louder at his touch. 

"Do you feel up to joining us for dinner, Remy?" 

"Sure, why not? 'Least I c'n sit _at_ de table again, stead o' under it. What's f' dinner?" 

"Fish." 

~Thud~ 

"Bobby! Ya did that on purpose!" Rogue started to slap Remy's face gently, "Remy? We're having chicken, Remy. It's mah southern fried chicken. Wake up. Remy?" 

"Good one, Bobby." Scott reached over to grab the black cat, "And while Remy's out of it, I am going to get _this_ cat de-clawed." 

"Oh no, you're not!" Storm snatched the cat away from him. 

"But ... but ... it's not Remy anymore." 

"That doesn't matter. No!" 

"It'll save the furniture-" 

"NO!" 

**The End ;-)**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

[Jacque Koh][1]

@>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~   
From your parents you learn love and laughter   
and how to put one foot in front of the other.   
But when books are opened you discover you have wings.

Helen Hayes

@>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~ @>-;~

   [1]: mailto:firewolf@pacific.net.sg?Subject=Gambit's Cat-astrophe



	4. What? Again?

Hi All, 

Yep, it's been a *long* time since I wrote fics for the X-Men... was in a deep blue funk after the infamous UXM#350. Trying to be hopeful that this year I can get my muse centred to finish that X-Men/Sandman piece that's been languishing. (Sorry.) 

Continuity? Please time warp back to the X-Men of early '97. This universe splits with canon somewhere after Onslaught. It's been a long time since I read the main books, so I'm only hoping that the characterisation is consistent with that time. 

Best Regards,   
**Jacque Koh**   
March 2000   


* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** Gambit and the X-Men belong to Marvel Comics. All these characters are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction, so please don't sue me.   


* * *

  
**Cat-astrophe Redux**   
**Day 1 - Wednesday**

A persistent beeping in the background intruded into Gambit's dreams. Merde, how can a body sleep with all dat racket? > He yawned and stretched, extending his claws and tail out to his fullest leng-- Claws? Tail? 

Remy opened his eyes to blink at the black paws in front of him. As his sleep numbed mind started to wake up, he slowly became aware of the warm body beneath him with the comforting and steady heart beat. 

Merde!> 

The black cat with red on black eyes leaped to its feet and stared down at the human body beneath it... Remy's human body, which was currently hooked up to various medical equipment that measured his heart beat, breathing and other essential functions. 

Non. Non! NON! This can't be happening again?!> 

The door to the med-lab slid open as Scott Summers entered carrying a small dish of cat food. 

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, breakfast. Remy had better be grateful for--" 

The lithe black cat launched itself off the body to land on Scott's chest, pushing the X-Man backwards with the unexpected assault. By whatever token of chance, Scott managed to retain his hold on the dish of food, even as he was sent reeling back against the wall. 

#Scott! What de hell happened dis time?!# 

"R-Re-Remy?" Scott sneezed into the cat's face, making it leap back onto the table. 

#Yuck. What was dat for?# Remy started to clean his face. 

"Your whiskers tickled me." Scott rubbed his nose with his free hand. "But--but what--you--we just talked yesterday--when--how--what--?" 

Remy stared from his body to Scott and back again, his tail flickering. #Never mind how, where's Jean, or Betsy?# 

"Er ..." 

#What?# 

"We're the only two X-Men in residence this week, remember?" 

* * *

Remy paced the length of the communications room, his long black tail flicking back and forth behind him. 

#Okay, de last time de X-Men fought de N'gari, we brought back a couple o' eggs by accident. I remember dat. De eggs hatched, we fought de baby bugs, an' we trashed de mansion. Again! Dat tell Gambitdat de X-Men should have a construction crew on permanent retainer. Why didn' we ever sign dat agreement wit' Damage Control‡, Scottie?# 

"Wolverine wouldn't let us--something about a pie... Remy, will you stop pacing? I'm getting this link up as fast as I can." Scott turned away from his wiring of the Communications console to yell at the cat "I know you're upset, bu-" 

#Gambit's a cat! Again! Why? Why does dis happen t' me? What is dis? De forth time? What did I do t' deserve dis?# 

Scott shrugged before he went back to his rewiring. 

#Where was I? Oh yah. In de fight, Gambit got hurt, an' he got t' stay in de infirmary f' a week, or Henri promised t' tie him t' de bed f' dat week if he try t' drag his carcass back t' his room. Since his lab was trashed, an' he was so sure of a breakthrough, Henri an' Jean are at Muir Island t' talk t' Moria about de Legacy virus. Stormy be wantin' t' check on Kitty and her new paramour, so she with dem. Betsy wanted t' visit her brother, an' where Betsy go Warren also follows, so dey all in England too. 

#Joseph started t' remember dat he a grandpappy cause his son has a daughter, so he go t' visit X-Factor. Wolverine and Rogue with him f' moral support, an' t' stop any trouble. Bobby's on home leave t' see his dad. Bishop and Sam took off for some time off, and t' visit de professor in lock-up. So Henri left y' de responsibility t' watch de automated repair systems, make sure Gambit stays in bed, and take care o' his cat. And dis morning, Gambit wake up as his cat. Why?!# 

"Thank you for the narration, oh amusing TMBC. This sounds like one of those cartoon synopsis before the show starts..." Scott muttered under his breath. "Remy, can't you transfer your mind back into your own body?" 

#Gambit don't know how! If Gambit c'ld transfer his mind back, y' t'ink Gambit still be here? Y' t'ink it so easy f' Jeannie and Betsy t' teach anyone everything 'bout telepathy in two months? Telepathy 101 don't got anything on mind hopping!# 

"Sorry." 

#Y' got de link up yet, mon ami?# 

"Stop bugging me. I'm working as fast as I can. And Remy?" 

#Yeah?# 

"IF YOU DON'T STOP PACING, I'M GONNA LOCK YOU IN YOUR CAT CARRIER!" 

* * *

Summarily, Scott finally fixed the teleconferencing relays and called his wife while the black cat watched him anxiously. 

"Hold ya horses, Summers. I called ya wife." Pete Wisdom frowned down on him, the Englishman looking none too happy to be seated at the Muir Island console. Nothing interesting ever happened, and he was sure the systems could monitor themselves, but it was his turn to be on duty. 

Jean and Moria eventually entered the room. "Hi, Hon? The teleconferencing relays are up fast. Did you decide to speed up the repairs?" 

"You could say that. How's everything coming along at Muir?" 

"Slow. Hank's not in the best of spirits at the moment." Jean glanced at Moria, who smiled resignedly at her. 

"Ooch, and we thought it was so close. Henri's right miserable noo." 

"Sorry to hear that. Er--Jean, when can you come back?" 

"Next week-" 

#NEXT WEEK?!!# 

Jean didn't know what to say when she saw her husband nearly land face first into the controls as a lithe black cat leaped on his head. 

#Scott, y' tell your wife we need her now!# Remy balanced delicately on Scott's head by hooking his back paws on the back of his ruby quartz visor, while resting his front paws on Scott's mop of brown hair. 

Pete and Moria stayed quiet, though Pete was starting to crack a grin at the humorous scene. Boring monitor duty be damned, he was suddenly glad he was on duty at that moment. 

"Er--Scott? Why is Remy's cat...?" Jean's words trailed off as understanding dawned on her. 

"Geerrooff my head! Ugh!" Scott simultaneously tried to prevent his visor from slipping and pull the cat off. 

"Scott?" Jean's hand covered her eyes as Moria and Pete turned to stare at her. "Please tell me Remy's mind *isn't* in his cat again." 

"Okay, 'Remy's mind isn't--' Ooow! Leggo! Leggo!" 

The Muir Island audience choked back a laugh at the sight of the black cat biting and pulling at the harried X-Man's hair. 

"Hell of a time to have a sense of humor, husband mine. Stop teasing Gambit." 

"Me? Teasing Gambit? *He's* the one sitting on my head and pulling my hair!" 

"Well at least he hasn't scratched you." Jean rolled her eyes, "Remy, we can't leave now--" 

"Jean! Don't say that! Aaaccckkk!" 

Jean was struggling to keep herself from laughing as her husband continued to try to remove the irate cat from his head. Pete and Moria gave up and fled the room, barely able to hold back their shrieks of laughter. 

"Remy, please stop harassing my husband." She vainly tried to keep her voice steady. "It's not that I don't want to come back to help you. It's because we can't leave right now. Remy, please listen to reason." 

"Urgah! He's a *cat*! Besides, since when has he ever listened to reason?!" 

Jean valiantly continued, pretending not to have heard her husband. "The fight with the N'gari totaled the Blackbirds, and Brian has the Midnight Runner scattered over half the hangar here. We had to take a commercial flight and there's simply no seats available back to the US until next week. It is the peak season for travelers. We--Scott? What are you doing?" 

The last question was prompted by the sight of her husband leaning back in his seat while holding the cat with one hand and swinging a toy mouse in front of it with the other hand. 

"Huh! ~pant~ At last! ~pant~ Finally--have him ~pant~--distracted. ~Whew~ Thank god for catnip." 

The black cat was now totally focused on batting the toy mouse with its front paws. 

"Scott!!" 

"Would you prefer to see the love of your life scratched to bits?" 

"Scott, get that away from him! And he *hasn't* scratched you! Remy wouldn't scratch us. If he had wanted to scratch you, you would already be bleeding worse than a stuck pig." 

Scott obligingly pulled the toy mouse out of Remy's reach. "Look, are you sure you can't make it back earlier?" 

"I'm sorry, Scott, no. ~ Throw that mouse away! ~ Are you sure Emma's not available?" 

"She's taken Gen-X on a field trip, won't be back until next week." 

"Nathan? ~ Scott, get that mouse out of Remy's sight! ~" 

"I can't reach him, where ever *he* is-" 

"Scott! Get that mouse-!" 

"What?" 

A small kinetic explosion broke the mouse's tail in two, and the cat squirmed free to catch the mouse before it hit the floor. 

"Oh, shit! I forgot! Gambit! There's food in the infirmary! Gambit!!" 

The cat streaked out the door before Scott could scramble to his feet. 

"We'll talk later." Jean slapped her head with her hand. 

"Thanks, hon. REMY!" Scott tore out of the room after the cat. 

Jean hung up the connection and turned to face Ororo and Kitty, who had just entered the room. "Jean? What just happened? We passed Moria and Pete on the way here, and they were laughing too hard to be coherent." 

"Remy, has cat problems again." 

"Goddess! When we return, his claws had better be intact." 

"Cat problems?" 

"An accident of sorts transferred Remy's mind into his cat. We still haven't figured out what triggers the transfer. This is the thir--no the forth time it's happened? He still needs help to get his mind back in his body." 

A broad grin touched Kitty's lips. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh, and I really don't know the man. But from what you tell me, it's seems that being a cat is in character for him." 

"I suppose we can't argue with that." 

"What's with the claws?" 

"On those previous occasions, Scott had professed a desire to have Remy de-clawed." Ororo winced at the memory. "Previously, I was there to stop him, but Remy is on his own this time." 

"I'd worry less about his claws, and more about his sanity." 

"What was that, Jean?" 

"Scott forgot, and now Remy's got the catnip mouse. And by the sound of it, Gambit hasn't had his breakfast yet." 

"Goddess! How could he forget?! Remy goes crazy with catnip! How could Scott give him--?" 

"He didn't *give* Remy the catnip mouse." Jean waved a hand in exasperation. "Well--not intentionally. Remy exploded the tail and grabbed the mouse. Scott's after him." 

"And how is *he* going to catch Remy?" Ororo rolled her eyes. "The last time this happened, you and Wolverine had to work in concert to corner him." 

"He took after Remy. We'll just have to hope he doesn't let Remy run too wild." They both cringed at the memory. 

"You two can't leave me hanging like this. What happened the last time?" Kitty shook Ororo's arm. "Come on, tell me. Tell me." 

"Goddess, we made the connection of catnip to explicit crazed behavior that second time when he was trapped in his cat." Ororo caught the significant look from Jean. 

"The first time you gave him catnip, all he did was eat your ferns. After that second time, Remy stayed away from catnip like it was the plague." 

"Yyeeessss? So what did he do? What happens when he's like this? Does he tear around the house and knock over lamps?" 

"Oh no, we are usually the ones who break things chasing him." 

"For one, as Jean mentioned, he eats my ferns while under the influence of catnip. Of course Remy makes restitution by buying me new ferns, and helping me plant them again, but that really is the *least* of his troubles... " 

"Oh goodness, yes. He goes completely feral on us, becomes ten times more playful and mischievous than normal..." Jean made a face at the memory. "He makes a general nuisance of himself." 

"The important thing is to keep him fed and in the house. Otherwise, he'll be stalking birds, rats, squirrels... anything that's the usual prey of cats." 

"He doesn't!" 

"Remy's not wasteful. He eats what he kills." Jean stuck her tongue out at that thought. 

Kitty looked a bit sick over that statement. "But how come you can't catch him?" 

"Remy can be--extra crafty when he's in catnip euphoria. And since he's so small and fast, it's quite a challenge to catch him." 

"Even with your powers?" 

"His mind has always been difficult to hold. My telepathic efforts bounce off his psi shields. And he's too fast for me to catch him in a TK bubble, unless we corner him first." Jean explained with chagrin. "Tracking him is a bigger problem. Even with the resources of the X-Mansion and Cerebero's help, I can't locate him on the estate." 

"We should have asked Sean or Forge to help us house sit." Ororo sighed. "Somehow... I should have guessed leaving those two alone would turn out to be a complete disaster." 

"Will he ever forgive Scott?" 

"Never mind Remy. Will Rogue let Scott live when she finds out about this?" 

* * *

Scott towel dried the cat on the kitchen table. "I *am* sorry about this, Remy." 

#Yeah, right. Y' been wantin' t' drown me f' ages.# The black cat grumped as he submitted to the toweling. 

"That's not true. I was desperate! It was either the Supersoaker or my optic blasts, and you'd be hurting bad if I used my optic blasts." 

#An' I *suppose* de dunking in de pool was also an accident? Do y' have any idea how awful chlorine tastes? I'll be licking dis stuff on my fur for de next week! Yuck!# 

"Sorry. And I thought cats could swim! I did fish you out with a net." 

Remy sneezed as Scott continued to rub him dry. "Are you sure you don't want the hair dryer?" 

#Scottie, my cat hates de hairdryer. De mind may be human now, but most o' my perceptions are still de cat's.# Remy sneezed again, #I can't believe y' forgot about my reaction t' catnip.# 

"I said, I'm *sorry*. The catnip mouse was your cat's favorite toy. You don't spend *that* much time as a cat for me to remember your problems with catnip." 

#Okay, spill it. What did I do dis time?# The cat sighed in resignation. 

"Er--Considering the damage to the mansion by the N'gari, you probably didn't make too big a dent in damages. It's also not too bad on the Storm front. She's only missing two ferns. But... I--er--found a pile of bird feathers and bones on the front porch. And I guess there was a rat's tail in the yard, but I couldn't be sure, and--" 

#Ack! Never mind! I don' want t' know.# 

"How *are* you feeling?" Scott ventured cautiously. 

#Full. Y' don't need t' feed me t'night, thanks.# Remy sighed, as he shook his head after Scott stopped rubbing him down. #Next week?# 

"Afraid so." 

#Great.# Remy sneezed again. 

"Are you catching a cold?" 

#A hot water bottle would be nice.# 

"A hot water-" 

#Please?# The black cat looked up at him with bright sparkling eyes. 

"Aaww, Gambit, don't look at me like that?" Scott cringed away from him. 

#Please?# 

"You've got no shame! Your cat does that to us often enou-" 

The cat sneezed again, then started to shudder. 

"Remy? Remy, are you all right?" 

The lithe black cat started to cough and choke. 

"Remy, what's wrong? What do I do?" Scott dropped the towel and gripped the edge of the table in panic. "Are you dying? Did you get a bone caught down your throat? Can I use the Heimlich maneuver on a cat? Whadda I do? Who's your vet? Does he make house calls?" 

#I can handle dis.# 

"Remy?! What's wrong?" Scott gripped him under the arms and lifted him in front of him. 

#Don' pick me--# 

Something wet and solid exploded out of the cat's mouth to land on Scott's shirt. 

"Yuck! What is--?!" 

#Scott, put me down befor--!# Remy sneezed right into Scott's shirt. 

"Yyyyuuuuccckkkk!" 

Scott looked from the cat, to the sopping wet mess on his shirt, and back again. 

Remy twitched his ears. #Er--de first t'ing dat hit y' was a hair-ball, and--huh, huh--Sorry.# 

Scott tucked the cat into the crook of his arm and put the kettle on the stove. 

"Okay... I'll make you a hot water bottle. Then I'll go change my shirt." Scott gritted, "Next week, Monday. It's only another five days, Remy. We *will* survive this." 

The cat just sniffled. 

**End Day 1**   
**tbc**

* * *

‡ The mention of the company 'Damage Control', BTW, was in reference to a miniseries Marvel had released years ago. The tale was situated prior to Prof. X's return from space. In that adventure, Wolverine got hit in the face with a cream pie. ^_~ Thanks for reading. Jacque Koh 

Back to Jacque's X-Men Fan fiction


	5. I should scream animal abuse

Hi All, 

Whew, the first 3 part story was written in 1997. The previous chapter was written in March 2000... Eeeek! It has been a long time since I updated this story, heh? 

I am really sorry that readers who are following this series are waiting so long between chapters. I'm just too swamped with real life and work. Plus the muse hasn't been cooperative. 

However, the notes do still exist. So it's just a matter time before I get around to transcribing them into a coherent readable format. Hope it won't be too long before the next update to this fanfic. 

Best Regards,   
**Jacque Koh**   
September 2002 

Key: " ... " Normal Speech; [ … ] Written text; #…# Telepathic speech; … > Thoughts.

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** Gambit and the X-Men belong to Marvel Comics. All these characters are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction, so please don't sue me.   


* * *

  
**Cat-astrophe Redux**   
**Day 2 - Thursday**

Hank was working in the Muir Island laboratories with Moria, when Storm entered the room. "And how is the research, Henri? Moria?" 

"Slow." Hank sighed despondently. "I made a calculation error an--" The computer beeped at them alerting them to an incoming e-mail. 

"Urgent? From the mansion?" Storm glanced over their shoulder. 

"No subject? I wonder why Scott didn't just call--"   


Return-Path: rlebeau@xavier.institute.edu>   
From: "Gambit" rlebeau@xavier.institute.edu>   
Organization: Xavier Institute of Higher Learning   
To: hmccoy@muir.com   
Priority: Urgent   
Subject:   
Reply-To: rlebeau@xavier.institute.edu 

HELP

The three people stared at the message for a while. Storm's eyes grew wide before she dragged Hank out of his seat. They started for the communications room in a dead run, snagging Jean along the way. Moria was too curious not to follow them. 

"What? Ororo? Hank? Where's the fire?" Jean spluttered as her two friends carried her between them towards the heart of the Muir island communications center. 

"Your husband is going to answer to me, if he lays one hand on Remy's black coat." Storm growled under her breath by way of explanation. 

"Huh?" 

Kitty and Pete Wisdom were a little ways down the corridor when they saw the group. Guessing what the emergency was, Pete broke into a grin and quickly grabbed Kitty's hand to pull her into a run after them. 

"Pete? What's going--? " 

Brian, Betsy and Warren looked up in surprise at the crowd that came charging through the doors of the communications center. 

"Excuse me." Hank wasted no time in patching a call through to Westchester. 

They all gather in front of the Video conferencing equipment to have the monitor open on a scene of a black cat's tail disappearing through one door, and Scott Summers clutching a net and running into the Communications room from another. 

"SCOTT!" 

"Yipe!" Seeing the Muir island crowd suddenly appear on the monitor, Scott ineffectively tried to hide the net behind him. 

Storm stared at him with dangerously narrowed eyes. "And *what*, may I ask, were you doing with a net?" 

"Er--well--you see--Ahh -" 

Jean glanced at the clump of threads and fiber that sat untidily over the crotch of Scott's pants. "Let me guess, you fell asleep with Gambit on your stomach. And he found a lose thread." 

Scott's face flushed bright red as he glanced down. 

"Scott, I will have your spleen when we get back, if you *dare* to de-claw Gambit." Storm told him icily. 

"But he-" 

"It *wasn't* intentional." 

Warren was observing Betsy, as they all spotted the black cat cautiously poked its head around the corner of the open door behind Scott. A grin was creeping over her face. The expression on Brian's face was priceless. No one had gotten around to telling him about Gambit's adventures, so the current fate of the X-Men's mutant thief was nearly sending him into hysterics. 

"Remy cannot help it. He has been a cat since yesterday. He has not spent this much time as a cat, since that first incident. He's bound to slip now and then." 

The cat nodded empathetically to this. 

"Scott, when Remy tore up the sofa, he had it re-upholstered. I'm sure he'll buy you a new pair of pants to replace the pair he ruined." 

The cat stuck out its tongue first, but it nodded grudgingly to Jean's statement. Betsy discreetly covered her mouth and Warren could guess that the shiver that went down her spine was from her determination not to burst out laughing. 

"So, put down that net. And leave Remy alone." 

Scott turned to glower at the black cat. Remy shrunk back, prepared to turn tail and run at a moment's notice. 

"Sccoottt?" 

Scott sucked in a deep breath and let it out again before he leaned the net against the wall to sit down to sulk. "How did you know to call so conveniently?" 

"Remy sent us an e-mail." 

"He did what? How?" 

They all looked at the cat as he stayed near the door, still a bit unsure about approaching his leader. 

"Oh, come in and sit down, Remy." Scott waved over to the cat. "I promise, I'm not going to de-claw you." But he added in sotto voce, "This time." 

"I *heard* that Scott." Ororo reminded him frostily. 

"Scott, why don't you put the Cerebero helmet on the chair so that Remy can join this conversation?" Jean tried to hide her smile as she regarded her husband and the nervous looking black cat that was now walking towards the communications console. 

"Will that work?" 

"I don't see why not? The Cerebero helmet was built as an interface for a telepath's mind. And it'll be faster than having you translate Remy's words to us." 

Scott put the helmet on the chair next to him. The audience at Muir island couldn't help but smile to watch how the cat swung a little to pull it's bottom from falling off the edge of the tiny space available on the chair after Scott had put the helmet in place. "Scott, don't be mean. Next time let Remy take his seat before you put the helmet on the chair for him. "Jean scolded her husband lightly as they watched the cat scoot into the helmet. 

Words started to scroll up from the bottom left hand corner of the screen. [Testing... testing... Gambit on line.] 

"Now, then." Hank announced brightly. "We didn't get a chance to talk about it earlier, so shall we discuss how this-- 'cat-astrophe' happened *this* time?" 

"Don't look at me? I left Gambit sleeping with Rem-" 

[Will you stop calling my cat, Gambit!] 

"Remy, be fair." Try as he might, Scott just could not keep the smile out of his voice as he regained his humour. "That's the only name he answers to. Face it, your cat comes when we call him 'Gambit.'" 

[That's a coincidence. Scottie, he is not a dog. Cats don't come running when you call for them. Why the hell you want to give him a name is beyond me. A cat approaches you when he feels like it.] 

"Oh, that explains *you* in any case." 

[What is *that* supposed to mean, Summers?] 

"*You* come and go as you like it, just--like--*a* cat." 

"You know, Scott does have a point." Hank rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Gambit really doesn't act very cat like in that respect. He could definitely learn from you, Remy." 

A line of gibberish appeared on the screen, which the others took to be Remy generally cursing under his breath. Unfortunately, for Scott, any amusement Jean and Storm may have felt for the current situation instantly evaporated when the cat sneezed rather thunderously. 

"Ack! Scott!" Jean made a face. "Please clean that helmet before I get back. I'm not putting that on my head if there's going to be cat germs lining it." 

"Scott, did Remy catch a cold?" 

[I'm ok-- Ahhh Chooo!] 

Scott winced as the Cerebero helmet fairly shivered with the force of that sneeze. "Hang on, I'd better turn down the air conditioning. He fell in the pool yesterday." 

[More like got thrown it.] Remy groused as he sniffled and started to clean his face with a paw. 

"You threw Remy in the pool?" Storm stared at the squirming X-man. 

"Really, Scott." Hank shook his head and tsked at the thought. "I remember distinctly telling Bobby in your presence that Remy's problem has very little relation to the fabled Jusenkyou ponds in Ranma 1/2." 

"But didn't they use hot water to restore them in that show?" Kitty asked thoughtfully as the others, who were clearly not familiar with the anime, gave Hank a blank look. "Unless you guys did some renovations recently, I don't remember the Westchester pool to be heated." 

"I didn't do it for that purpose! It was an accident. I only wanted to slow him down. Didn't realise the Supersoaker was going to be powerful enough to knock him in th--" 

"You chased Remy with a *Supersoaker*?!" 

"Er-- it was safer than my optic blasts?" Scott sank further into his seat at Storm's raging countenance. If Jean were to describe her husband's appearance, she would probably have likened it to a disarming 'kicked puppy look.' 

"Ahem." Hank decided to affect a rescue of his unfortunate leader before Storm decided to brave the elements and fly over the Atlantic on her own steam. "Perhaps we could get back to the question of how Remy's mind was once more transferred into Gambit's?" 

[Will you all stop calling him, 'Gambit'!] 

"My dear Cajun, look at it from our perspective. Until you finally name him and get him to respond to the new name, it is the easiest reference that we have for your cat. " Hank sighed in a conciliatory voice. "When we first met him, your mind *was* in him. And look at us now, we are facing an adolescent black cat who *is* Gambit." 

"It could have rubbed off, Remy." Jean added thoughtfully. "If you consider it, it could be a partial memory that makes your cat associate the word 'Gambit' with itself. 

"Actually, isn't it quite a refreshing concept." Hank nodded to her. "A cat, which comes when you call." 

[If you're so picky, you name him. Gambit is *my* name.] 

As one, the audience looked at the black cat with an arched eyebrow. 

[#@%&! You *know* what this Cajun means!] The Cerebero helmet started to pick up a pink-ish glow. 

"Stop it, stop it." Storm waved her hands in front of her as she tried to hide her smile from her irate 'brother'. "Let us all stop teasing Remy, and get back to our earlier discussion?" 

"Okay, as I was saying..." Scott sighed as he lounged in the chair and looked over at the cat sitting in the chrome helmet. "I left Gambit sleeping with Re--" 

At Ororo's hard glare, Scott coughed and changed his words appropriately. "I mean--I left Gambit's cat sleeping with him while I went to the kitchen to get Gam--the cat's breakfast." 

"Scott, why did you let a cat into my clean, sterile infirmary?" Hank looked rather put out with him. 

"Look, Ga--the cat was upset, and it peed on the floor in front of the elevator. What was I going to do? Prepare myself to step into cat pee every time I use the elevator to go to the lower levels?" Scott waved his hands in frustration. "Anyway I thought Remy'd appreciate having some other company besides myself. And since Gam--the cat's been prowling all the rooms upstairs looking for Remy after he landed in the infirmary, it wasn't a long stretch for me to guess why it was distressed. 

"I only left them for a short while. When I came back to the infirmary, Remy was in his cat." 

"Hmmm, I definitely see a correlation of a lab, sleep, and proximity." Hank murmured thoughtfully. 

[So that's how it happens? If Gambit falls asleep, or is knocked out in a lab, his mind moves into the cat for safekeeping if it's nearby?] 

"That seems to be a sound theory. If I recall correctly, you were unconscious the second time." 

"Yes, and the third time it happened, I was the one who was injured and in the infirmary." Ororo nodded. "Remy had come by to visit with Ga--his cat." 

"And he had fallen asleep in the infirmary while watching over you. Fortunately for you, Remy, it has only occurred with this particular cat. Not any other animal." 

[Whoopee. So, the next time Gambit got to stay in the infirmary, my cat is denied all visitation rights.] 

"Ahhhh, a mystery solved for the day." 

"By the way, how did you send them an e-mail, Remy?" Scott pouted at the cat, still faintly upset at being caught. "And how did you make them catch me in the act?" 

[I can still type. My paws are bigger than the keys, but I can extend my claws to hit only specific keys.] Even over the monitor, the audience in Muir Island could tell that Remy was rather smug about his accomplishment. [As to how I got them to catch you? I timed it. Gambit didn't rise to the rank of Master Thief on charm alone.] 

"You typed?" A speculative gleam seemed to shine off Scott's face. "Saayyy…" 

That same gleam appeared to be reflected in Ororo's eyes as well. 

[Gambit don't like the way you're all looking at him.] 

"The FOH database?" Ororo rubbed her chin thoughtfully as she locked eyes with Scott. 

"My thoughts exactly." Scott turned Gambit's chair towards him and knelt in front of the Cerebero helmet. 

Remy realized rather belatedly, that since he was sitting inside the helmet, he was cut off from escape through the rear. Scott had him effectively cornered. Understanding also crossed his face as he picked up the thoughts his leader was broadcasting. 

"Please Remy?" 

[No.] 

"Remy, we could use you in this capacity. The woman you'll be tailing is a sucker for ca-" 

[No!] 

"You're the only one who can do it." 

[So I go in as Gambit and romance her! NO!] 

"She's a married woman. Remy, please? If you're human, your eyes will give you away as a mutant. This way-" 

[Stormy? Don't do this to Remy?] Even in a pure line of text on the monitor, the poor Cajun's consternation at being 'betrayed' was quite unmistakable. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Later... 

Scott stopped the car, and opened the door to let the black cat with red on black eyes jump down from the passenger seat. "Remember, I'll be just outside and you can stay in contact with me telepathically. I'll come in with all guns blazing to get you if anything goes wrong. Okay, Dar-" 

#Call me 'Darling' again, an' y' get it where de sun don' shine, Summers.# The cat gave him a dirty look. 

"Get used to it, Remy. That's the kind of name she called her previous cats." 

#Wait! Previous cats? What been happenin' t' her pets?# 

"The previous two or three died. Don't know why the lady's having so much trouble with her pets, it seems she just lost another cat two weeks ago. But it does make the woman's a prime candidate to pick up an available cute little kitty who looks like he could use some tender loving care." 

#And you don't think for one minute dat y' sending Remy t' his death?# The black cat glared at him, though the severity of the look was weakened by the sneeze he let loose. #One day, Gambit gonna get y' f' dis, Cyke.# 

"You're hardly powerless, Remy. Besides, think of this as an opportunity. You're stuck in that body for a week, so why don't you make fruitful use of it?" 

The black cat blew a raspberry at his leader. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Scott watched in satisfaction as Remy went to work and very easily and quickly charmed the woman who was observing the preparation of the stage with her husband. As he and Storm had hoped, Mrs. Jacobs was taken in by the plight of the lonely looking adolescent cat that had appeared beside them to watch the proceedings too. 

As the woman ooo'ed and cooed over the purring cat, Scott had very little doubt in his mind that she'd be bringing Remy home with her by the end of the day. Unfortunately, the plotters had not counted on Mrs. Jacobs being conversant with the standard pet owner's practice when picking up strays. 

Scott's hands were over his mouth in mortification as he watched the woman carry Gambit into a nearby vet's clinic. "Oh dear lord, Remy's going to kill me when this mission is over." 

"Well, this is quite a charming young feller yer got here, Mrs." Scott overheard the vet saying from his position under the window after he hurried over to the back alley of the clinic. "Here we go, little guy. We'll have you feeling right as rain in no time. I have something that will take care of that nasty cold for you. Then we'd better see about getting you the regular shots, heh?" 

#Non! Dis can't--dey can't-- I already HAD my shots! Henri gave them to me! OOOOW!# 

Scott winced as he clutched his head. He knew the telepathic scream was deliberate, and only directed at him. Er? Remy? There's at least one consolation?> 

#And what's that? OOOOW! Three's enough! Three's enough! I don't want any more needles! Gambit gonna make y' pay f' dis, Summers!# 

Oh come on Remy, aside from the shots, a medical examination can't be that bad.> 

#Gambit like t' hear *you* repeat dat, when *you* hav' a thermometer stuck up *your* ass. 'cept-- if y' do get off havin' somethin' shoved up y' ass-- 'm gonna have t' have a long talk with Jeanne 'bout y' de toys y' own.# 

Are you sure you're feeling okay, Remy?> Scott vainly tried to hide his amusement of imagining the doctor with the said apparatus up the black cat's nether regions. You just missed an opportunity to tease me about the stick up mine. What is that supposed to mean anyway?> 

Y' in a rare humor t'day, Summers. And what d' y' *think* I meant?> 

Scott's face blushed bright red when the innuendo finally registered. That's-- Eeeewww.> 

Ha! 'Eeeew' is having this pervert here checking every orifice of this body. Least the other activity could be fun--> 

Anyway!> Scott firmly interrupted the Cajun before he could begin to describe homosexual activity in graphic detail. Knowledge he knew Remy was apt to challenge Logan with when they were in the mood to embarrass anyone in the room with them. The two were undeniably straight, but they still enjoyed wicked entertainment in discussing Japanese yaoi and slash fiction; a subject that sent most of the other men running and the women eagerly leaning forward to listen in on. The blush on Scott's face was hotter then the sun at the thought. 

Anyway, Remy. Look on the bright side, you've already been neutered, so…> 

#Oh joy and rapture! I'm sure *dat* makes me feel all warm, and fuzzy inside. Ack, his fingers don't taste any better dan Henri's.# 

"Would you like to have him de-clawed as well?" 

In the alley, a big, bright smile spread over Scott's face at the vet's suggestion. 

#Summers! She try, Gambit OUTTA HERE!# 

Remy, we need--> 

"No, doctor. That would be cruel to the poor dear? He should have some way to protect himself." 

Scott crossed his arms and sulked. Darn! 'ro wouldn't have been able to blame me for that.> 

#I heard dat!# 

"Hmmm, his heart is pounding? E--er-- 

"Precious." 

Scott choked as he stuffed his hand in his mouth to stop himself from laughing. 

"Ah yes, Precious, must not like clinics very much." The doctor frowned as the cat's upper lip seemed to curl in disgust at the sound of his new name. 

**End Day 2**   
**tbc**

* * *

Thanks for reading. Jacque Koh 

Back to Jacque's X-Men Fan fiction


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